HUMOR
Memorandum: Cellulite Ointment!
Product Launch Delayed.
MEMORANDUM
DATE: MARCH 19th
TO: All Staff
FROM: Rick Christopher, Director, Marketing Department
SUBJECT: Launch of Cellulite-Be-Gone Leg and Butt Ointment on March 28th
Due to COVID-19, the product launch of Cellulite-Be-Gone Leg and Butt Ointment will be pushed back until April 18th.
We are very confident that we will be able to launch this product on April 18th. For the customers that were signed up to receive a free cellulite ointment application by Sven-BODIES BY SVEN-Rooney, at the launch location in Los Angeles, an email will be sent with the new launch date.
As disappointing as this news may be, we are confident that this ‘pandemic’ will be quickly brought under control. Until then, rest easy because cellulite and women’s shaky self-esteem isn’t going anywhere, anytime soon.
Best,
Rick
MEMORANDUM
DATE: APRIL 10th
TO: All Staff
FROM: Rick Christopher, Director, Marketing Department
SUBJECT: Launch date pushed back again for Cellulite-Be-Gone Leg and Butt Ointment :(
It appears this pandemic is a tad more severe than I anticipated. The launch date of April 18th will now have to be pushed back yet again.
I want to announce May 30th as the new Cellulite-Be-Gone Leg and Butt Ointment launch date! Sven-BODIES BY SVEN-Rooney has cleared his calendar (again), so we should be good to go. *Please send our free ointment application customers in Los Angeles the new date.
To keep our loyal customers focused on physical appearance, send them emails with links to fit celebrities. Nothing says, ‘you’re inadequate and need cellulite ointment’ more than Jessica Alba in a swimsuit 2 days after giving birth. Photoshopped photos only please!
